Love and my Pained Existence
by Tseng
Summary: This briefly tells of what Garnet went through after she thought that Zidane had died. I wrote this rather quickly so let me know if it's not accurate or something... I tried to write it the way Garnet would have actualy felt, using some of my own experi


Love and my Pained Existence  
  
  
  
Queen Garnet sat hunched over in a large chair in her camber at Alexandria. She cupped her face in her hands, weeping uncontrolably.  
  
"How could I have let him go?" she wondered. "I knew that it was a mistake; for one time in his life, why couldn't Zidane think of himself instead of others? Kuja didn't deserve any help..." Garnet quickly stood and ran to her bed. She threw herslf violently upon it, shuddering with pain and sadness. Tears streamed down her fair face, causing her makeup to run. Garnet kept repeating three words over and over again, "I let him go... I let him go..."  
  
Suddenly there was a loud knock on her door. Clearing his throat, Adelbert Steiner nervously shouted through the thick wall, "My queen, I realize that you are in considerable pain due to your tragic loss. We all loved Zidane, he was a true friend. But my Queen, the crowd grows restless... it is time to depart for the play. Perhaps it'll cheer you up a bit?"  
  
Sobbing, Garnet groaned, "Please let me be Adelbert... tell the crowd to begin without me!"  
  
"I wish that were possible Garnet, er, your highness, but your people have endured so much.... they have survived so many hardships, you must make a public appearence. The cities moral is down, and this is the perfect place to begin rebuilding hope..." He took a deep sigh, "When the play is over you can resume your mourning of Zidane's death..."  
  
As if her state wasn't bad enough already, Steiner's words somehow hit home with Queen Garnet. She screamed wretchedly and hugged her pillow tightly. She burried her bloodshot eyes deep with the fabric of her gown and tried to smother herself. The pain of loosing Zidane was so great, she felt that she had no reason to live any longer. It was totally unreal, Zidane had promised her that he'd survive... After all that they'd been through, Zidane choose to help the one they fought so valiantly to destroy, and in turn destroyed himself. But who was to true culprit in this whole mess? Garnet hated to place blame on Zidane, he was only following his concience. He was a better person for always doing so. Then she tried to blame herslef, if she hadn't allowed Zidane to go, if she'd stayed by his side til the very end, none of this would have happened. Yet, who was to say that she wouldn't have died along with Zidane in their search for Kuja? Certainly he would have wanted her to survive, he would have   
gladly given his own life to save hers. Ohh but the pain was so great! The only other person to blame was Kuja... the evil surely was the downfall of her love. Surely Kuja was more respnsibe than anyone else could possibly be. In the end however, Garnet realized that it was all fate and dumb luck. She was being selfish, because placing blame would solve nothing. In this there was some comfort, and her crying ceased for a moment.  
  
And slowly, the door to her bed chamber opened, and th chromatic figure of Captain Steiner could be seen peeking around the door. "Ahh, my Queen, is everyhting ok? May I be of any assistence? You know that I will do everything within my power to help out... all I ask is that you think of your people."  
  
Though she refused to admit it, Steiner was right... she needed to make an appearence. "I'll go with you to the play now." The was still a very obvious quaver to Garnet's voice, but she was working hard to get it under control. She wiped her tear stung eyes on her sleeve, and smoothed out her gown. She stood, ecrect and beautiful like a true queen, and stepped ou into the world- a new and frightening world. There were only 2 things on her mind at the moment. The first was how lost she'd now feel without Zidane by her side. She'd no longer have his company, his protection, and the friend to talk to. The second was the weak desire to compose herslef and look decent for the crowd of thousands awaiting her arrival at the play-square so the play could begin. The ride to the Theater District seemed to take hours. There was a tortuous aching in the pit of her stomach, and twice during the ride she broke into tears. It seemed that everything reminded her of her beloved Zidane. She saw places where   
they'd talked or eaten, she saw spots where the two battled together to save Alexandria, and finally, she saw the theater ship on the horizon getting larger. Like some starved beast looming over it's knowing and terrified prey. The ship recalled memories of their first meeting... the place where her life had chnged beofre her eyes. Oh how she longed to be in Zidane's arms at this moment, how she needed his streangth. Garnet's car arrived at the Theater District, and the crowed cheered for their queen. She steeped down from the transport and attempted to smile, but her quivering lip told the truth. Those closest to their Queen could see the pain in her eyes and looked at the ground, unsure of what to do. It was obvious that Queen Garnet was in seious distress, but know one seemed to know why.  
  
"Come my Queen," Steiner whispered in her ear, "I'll take you to your seat."  
  
"Thank you..." she replied heavily.  
  
It was a wonderous day, the sun shone clearly through the bright blue sky. Garnet could feel it's warmth on her silken gown, and she took this as a good omen. She must give up this depressed state or nothing will ever get done. Though the ideal was now within her reach, Garnet still couldn't bring herself to let go of Zidane. Her love was too strong... the pain was all too real... something more significant would have to happen to toatlly help her current mood. Staring blankly at the elaborate stage, Garnet imagined that she and Zidane were walking upon it, acting out the scenes from some ancient play that could have been her life.   
  
Then the trumpets blared to signal the beginning of the play, and a quickly as they appeared, the ghost-like apparition of Zidane fizzled into to evening air. Garnet noticed the Tantalus members, but thought little of it. She could not even remember the name of her favorite play!! Ohh, her pain was so horrible, nothing could shake her from wallowing in her own self pity. This play was dragging on, all she wanted to do was to return to her own room and cry herself to sleep. There was nothing else she felt like doing, as well as nothing else that she could do. Then, as if some force was pulling her gaze back to the stage, Garnet noticed a cloaked figure. Something about they way he walked... the body langueage was familiar. Was it Blank? No... couldn't be. She didn't know who it was at the moment but something in her wanted to find out.   
  
The figure suddenly threw off the cloak and asked for his Garnet... Who was this?? Could it be? Was it really? ..... ..... Yes! It was Zidane! Oh, she knew that she was dreaming, but Queen Garnet bolted to the doorway of her balcony seat. The was seemed to be blocked by Steiner and Beatrix... until they opened the door for her. Were they in on this? There wasn't time to answer. She needed to find Zidane. Nearly falling down the steps, Garnet sprinted out into the crowd. They seemed to surge around her and stare as if she had gone crazy. Some bumped into her or gave her rude looks when she pushed them aside. But she did not care for any of it... only one thought cunsumed her being at this moment. But where was the stage? There were too many people to see where Zidane was and suddenly she felt very lost and alone in this sea of people. Pushing through the masses she felt a jerk at her neck... her necklace had broken off and fallen somewhere behind her, as she turned around to find it she caught sight of the stage. Taking one final glance back at her beloved necklace, Garnet ran forward with determination. She pushed her way to the stage and Zidane was there, leaning down to help her up. They embraced immediatly, and tears of joy were in Garnet's eyes. Zidane looked deeply into her eyes and saw the pain that he had caused her, he tried to smile weakly but a single tear rolled down his cheek. Garnet pounded her fist upon Zidane's chest screaming, "Don't you ever do that to me again!" She wept uncontrollably, though this time she knew that she'd be ok.   
  
Zidane held her tightly and thanked the heavens that he had survived to see his beloved Garnet. She was his only hope when he became trapped within the Lifa Tree. From that moment he vowed that he'd see his love, he could not, and would not allow himself to give up. He wasn't even sure now what had happened... was it Kuja thast somehow freed him? It was all a blur, once it was certain that Kuja was going to die, he had only thought of getting back to Garnet. And now, here he was, on the threshold of a new and better life. Zidane took one last look into Garnet's wonderous green eyes, and then closed his eyes and held her. This time, he would not leave her... this time, they would do everything together or not at all. As if Garnet were on the same page, she promised herself that she wouldn't let Zidane go again, and if he had to be stubborn, then she'd go with him, where ever his destination was. They had triumphed, and now, life didn't matter anymore... the only thing that matter was each other. 


End file.
